Imagine.

Love of people is a necessity for me, just like the love of food, music, and nature. I fall in love with someone for many reasons, such as the culture he/she belongs to, his/her talent in art and music, etc. And I try to connect to them, so they have a place for me in their hearts too. However, it isn’t always like this.

However, it isn’t always like this. Isshi, visual rock musician from Japan, passed away 6 years ago. My Norwegian friends and Finnish friends always hang out with the people who do the same things like them, which is not what I am doing. I am so tired of forcing myself loving something I am not interested. I will miss the speech by Erik Johansson in Helsingborg, while I planned to travel in Aarhus, Denmark. I wish I can hear him speaking his mother tongue, Swedish, and say hello.

Life is always like this. Imperfectness everywhere.

—–

But it isn’t that important now. I sat on the balcony and watch the sun, imagining Erik speaking Swedish to me, while I use my elementary Norwegian skills to reply him. Dreams are perfectly beautiful only when they don’t come true yet. My imagination of having a strong relationship with my favourite people lead me to somewhere I may never be, creating thousands of beautiful nights with tears. It is just so nice when I can do this. love someone without letting anyone know.

And thus I am good.

Grey

Sometimes I just cry for no reason. I feel hard to enjoy the happiness of food, music, and art. Music practice is just practice. I feel tired to go exercise. I feel guilty when I can’t study efficiently, but I just can’t focus very well. I feel a headache in class when I can’t understand anything.

I have to adjust my gesture every minute. So I don’t get distracted by the twisting feeling on my back. I get easily disturbed by someone’s cough, laugh, and talk when studying or sleeping. But I can imagine what will happen if I ask people to be quiet — I will be blamed and upset.

I haven’t been hugged for months.

I can’t help comparing myself to others.I feel anxious about finding a loved person.

I feel anxious about finding a loved person.

I don’t want to pretend to be happy. I need help.

I want to go on a road trip this weekend. I want someone I like text me. Right now.