Clean

Attempt to take clean photos, like these on life magazines.

Life may be imperfect, but we express our hope via photography.

We travel like normal tourists. We followed the map, plan everything ahead of time, etc. We are kind of busy, but it doesn’t stop our eyes from discover good angle, and capture every unique moment.

March 19, Myrtle Edwards Park
March 20, Mt. Rainier
March 21, Chihuly Garden and Glass
March 21, Space Needle
March 23, Seattle Public Library
March 20, Pike Market
March 24, Argosy Cruises
March 25, in my hotel
March 24, Gum wall
March 25, The Quad in UW

Let me sit and rest a while.

img_6469Weeks ago, friends of mine were on their trips to some Carribean islands while I had two midterms to work on. It was such a pain when browsing a news feed filled with smiley faces, bikinis, coconut juice and sunshine, when I was still struggling with seasonal affective disorder and so many deadlines.

I silently deactivated my Facebook account temporarily and reactivated it one week ago. When it is finally spring break, I took my camera with me and began my trip to Seattle.

This is how a day I had as a “life traveler who enjoys the beauty of life, who love beautiful things and people”:

Use Google Map to explore the best places to see, and the best restaurant to eat. Find the best route to everywhere. When finally arrives at a place, I post “My Story” on Instagram first. I take photos, and then leave immediately and move on to the next place. When I am tired, I sit down and find electronic outlets for my phone. It is hard to tell what I have really learned besides running to everywhere with my roomie. What is the thing we are enjoying?

It is hard to tell what I have really learned besides running to everywhere with my roomie. What is the thing we are enjoying? Hard to tell. It is harder and harder for a heart to calm down nowadays, when people love good appearance so much, while people with knowledge are ignored.

But it is also about myself: for years, I enjoyed pleasing people so much as a loner — when people like my photos on social media, it can make my day. And so, I try to take good photos to please my friends, especially the ones I want to get closer to. What’s the meaning of that? I haven’t really get closer to those people simply because I was not good enough.

I want to be better. I want to stop living in a world with so many people watching me. Life is so tiring, so meaningless like that.

Travel alone, live a happy life, learn a lot of things and tell no one. People ruin beautiful things.

Grey

Sometimes I just cry for no reason. I feel hard to enjoy the happiness of food, music, and art. Music practice is just practice. I feel tired to go exercise. I feel guilty when I can’t study efficiently, but I just can’t focus very well. I feel a headache in class when I can’t understand anything.

I have to adjust my gesture every minute. So I don’t get distracted by the twisting feeling on my back. I get easily disturbed by someone’s cough, laugh, and talk when studying or sleeping. But I can imagine what will happen if I ask people to be quiet — I will be blamed and upset.

I haven’t been hugged for months.

I can’t help comparing myself to others.I feel anxious about finding a loved person.

I feel anxious about finding a loved person.

I don’t want to pretend to be happy. I need help.

I want to go on a road trip this weekend. I want someone I like text me. Right now.